Every year, around this time, I gear myself up for a little self reflection (Yes, even more than usual!!!) Since my early teens, as a rite of passage, I'd scribble down the bits of the year I felt went well and those things I wanted to achieve for the following year.
From about the age of 14 to 19 most entries specified the 'need' for a boyfriend, however the main bulk of the list consisted of pointers whereby I could stretch myself to reach my full potential....working harder, doing my best, achieving. So basically, nothing much has changed...except the boyfriend bit, at 24 I finally found a keeper!
Achievement is a funny old thing. For me it's not having a piece of paper or a medal necessarily but it's that feeling. That's what I'm hankering for ALL the time and finding that feels harder these days. Actually, because I'm so sensory and visual I have to experience it with a few different senses to really feel it. Maybe that's why so many people enjoy cooking and baking. You take some components, get creative, transform them to present something visually beautiful and that tantilises those eye, nose and tongue receptors as well as feeling that reward of satisfying a hungry tummy. Or if you're like me, a kiev, in the right light, can also be a thing of beauty. Ooh and compliments, they are very important to too.
If I can't feel that intense fire in my heart that tells me I did good, I poo poo it and move onto the next thing searching for joy.
So in a desperate bid to pull together something to feel really proud of this year, I spread out all the illustrations I'd drawn for @motherdom and I felt a teensy weensy bit proud of myself. A little smouldering went on internally too, a tiny hopeful flame was lit.
Although winding down First Mummies' Club meetings felt like a wrench in so many ways, I'm still hopefully helping people. Still women, still mothers and lightening that belief that implies we should be ok and feel ok in our role all the time.
I'm not really sure what next year holds for me but I hope it's full of drawing and painting and colour and kindness.
Inspire me though, what would be on your list, however small?X