Three weeks ago, I felt the happiest I'd felt in years. A genuine high where I felt unstoppable. This is extremely rare for me.
I'd usually get annoyed with myself for everything I'd not done yet (this includes the boring stuff of not cleaning the bathrooms, or filling the fridge, as well as the bigger long term personal goals) and have now switched my thinking to everything I AM doing right now, in its varying degrees of imperfection. It's happening just as it should. Even when the stuff that is happening feels uncomfortable , unsettled and unclear.
I'm excited to have a couple of self created projects coming up over the next few months which involve talking to a large amount of people. My hope is to challenge their ideas about the way things are meant to 'be' early on and consider the helplessness and pressure that can accompany that feeling of striving for the perfect cut-out for life!I realised I couldn't give these talks if I'd not been through and experienced what I have.In fact, I'm realising the beauty and importance of the muddled journey. So many friends of mine are experiencing hard times at the moment and we have to trust that there is something to be gained from the slow hazy trudge through the fog. Hope lies in the elation at the summit, as the cloud clears, meaning we can stick a milestone flag in another rock which we call Life. The descent allowing us time to breathe more gently, feel the sun on our face, the warmth on our bones.
An extract from '7 questions to find your purpose' by Richard Jacobs, which strengthens the idea of importance in the struggle so beautifully...
"I heard a wonderful story about a man walking home and seeing a chrysalis hanging from a branch on the tree outside his house. The butterfly struggles to break the bounds of its bonds. The man carefully plucks the chrysalis from the branch and takes it home. There he takes some nail scissors and carefully snips the edge of the surround. The butterfly immediately emerges onto his kitchen table and extends it's wings to dry; however, it cannot fly. Why? Because it needed to push against the barrier of the chrysalis to build the strength it would need for flight."