I'm curious.
Do you find yourself looking back sometimes...or a lot?
I'm talking right back, before the time of sofa cushions strewn all over the floor, before the time those itty bitty cicular lego shapes had jammed your hoover, before the time of odd stripy/dinosaur/pirate socks turning up anywhere and everywhere, before the time of random 'great eating' stickers turning up on the shoulder of your cardigan and most importantly, a time when you went on holiday and actually sunbathed.
Does it seem like a life time ago to you too?
After seeing my cousin at the weekend who is getting married next year, I fondly remembered that stage of young love. Those care free days when the world feels like such an exciting place to be, everything is intensified. The prospect of new things all the better for sharing with that person. Sunsets glow brighter, food is tastier, everyone is better looking and smells divine.... everything is more fun, the nights seem longer and the weekend mornings lazier.
That time.... think really hard....remember it?
I do, just .....it feels a bit like a dream now doesn't it.... a bit of a Utopia even?
Monday evening around 8:30pm, I took the drive to Waitrose to return the glasses we'd hired for our Mums party. The evening was warm, the setting sun glowed orange, I had Kiss Radio turned up loud, really loud in my car, RnB banging out.... (yes, I am that girl) and this all of a sudden felt very familiar but nostalgic at the same time.
It reminded me of the time I got my first car at eighteen, a Ford fiesta in turquoise blue.... god, I loved that car.... I used to play Michael Jacksons' 'Bad' album in the cassette player, and as I drove through the school gates (as a sixth former) I used to wind (yes, wind) the windows down. I was never one of the cool gang at school but for those few moments, I felt very cool. It was the same feeling on Monday night, fast forward fifteen years.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I like to take it back and consider the journey I took to get here. As Luca approaches his sixth birthday in a couple of months time, I sometimes ponder, wow, how did that happen?! I reflect back on the beautiful period of time over a few months of spring and summer nine years ago where I fell in love with my husband and how we embarked on this journey together.
Did it looks like this when I imagined it? I think the birth of Luca into our lives, blew any ideals about that way out of the water! I don't think anyone can prepare you for parenthood, unexpected, undefined and unknowing..... but undisputedly, more interesting. Everything intensified again, in new ways, the noise, the mess, the smells but also the kisses, the cuddles, the love.
That sensory overload all over again, Circa 2018.
As I said to my husband when I returned from my little Waitrose trip, it may be un-glamourous but driving on my own, music blaring is one of my favourite things to do. I feel focusing on the road, creates clarity of mind. The familiarity of it allows emotive triggers like music to conjure up images of the good times.
So, when you're in need of a little perspective, I suggest you take a drive, windows down, music blaring.... to truly appreciate who you have become and the journey you took to get there x
