Oh October, you were a cruel mistress. The change in season marking a tangiable shift in heart, body and soul that I'd not experienced really ever.
I suppose it was a little mean of me to jaunt away to a warmer clime for a few days, warming my bones, experiencing a freedom, exposing ALL the emotions through art therapy and then trying to pick up all the little pieces after boarding the plane to normal again. Popping the thoughts and emotions into a tiny box to sort out another day when I was less 'busy.' A few days home and slowly the little jumbled pieces, like receipts crumpled in a purse, began unfurling. I felt strong, then felt an unusual heat around my heart which made me feel invincible but then came the inevitable come down. I felt vulnerable, lost and angry. Who would hold my hand on this next part of the journey?
This is where brilliant friends come into play.These last six weeks or so, I have been careful to only expose my most precious thoughts to the most special of people. I've chosen the women in my life who are like little beacons, who have warmth and spirit and know how to say things in a nurturing and comforting way. Supporting me with kindness and wisdom.
I'm grateful also to Anna @motherdom_mag for asking me to illustrate Issue 4 of her marvellous magazine, Motherdom, as well as writing a piece all about creativity. This provided a welcome focus for a few weeks and got me painting again, when I'd actually become a little fearful of it.
This illustration was the first I drew after returning from my trip. The tears, although representing sadness, also represent realisation. I always did feel better after a good cry....it helps us get beyond the fog and can offer clarity. I was a bit concerned I'd uncover sadness in my art making from now on but I think the truths and understanding can come through the process by picking up a brush. That may be partly where I came unstuck. I stopped and those thoughts got trapped for a bit and couldn't escape. This whole experience cemented my belief that art is a powerful tool, a power I'd clearly underestimated.